Is a family that stays together.
There are all kinds of families: the kissing and hugging families who hug each other even if the last time they met was last night.
Then there are the ones that keep a stiff upper lip no matter what especially when patriarchs and matriarchs pass on.
One could do without the type of families who think anything is possible or nothing is impossible; read no matter what you do, you are forgiven.
Then there are families who sponge off each other; you have to dig out old clothes for family reunions lest you get mistaken for having won a lottery and are ready to be plucked. And of course one doesn’t have to return borrowed money from family that fast or ever!
Every now and then you come across the formal family. They speak very civilly to each other and anger is expressed through coldness, not noise. I heard a tale that one summer holiday one of the clan brought a guest home but did not formally introduce him to one of the brothers and so the two did not talk to each other the entire summer.
And would you believe it there are families that actually don’t like each other and suffer each other for the sake of prestige/family name and maybe wealth?
Not to be mistaken for the family that parties all the time: lunches run into dinners and dinners run into lunches. Everyone brings their own friends and sometimes the friends are more at home than the family itself.
However, the family that communicates through laughter and jokes is the family to be. In orthodox Syrian Christian families if you attend your own daughter’s wedding if she’s getting married to an outsider, you get excommunicated. So when such a thing was happening it led to some garrulous arguments: whether to attend and how not to attend was the big question. The Patriarch called a family meeting and thundered: “ Choli ke peechey kya hai ? If Dil Hai tho go and attend.” People are still chuckling at the 100 per cent attendance at the wedding.
Then finally this jovial patriarch passed on and the funeral was held in a far off but central place. The entire clan got together to bid him the final adieu. Like minded people got together in cars and of course the prohibition ministers of the family knew that this was lethal and the funeral would not be well attended so they parked a young priest into the car to spoil the fun.
After a few kilometers tensions ran high and finally one of the tipplers suggested to the young priest that they drop in at a bar. The priest laconically replied “Hawokay!” To this day Hawokay is the signature tone of this particular family. Hawokay to ‘the one for the road’, for the 6th dosa and fortieth puri etc etc.
(Santha John is founder-director >CoachLife .Contact her at santhajohn@coachlife.asia)
