I’m nearing 30 and I’m not married yet, but it’s not for lack of trying. There’s only one little hitch: the man I want to marry doesn’t want to marry me.
I’m a single child, pampered by my parents. Mum is my best friend and dad is my guide in all things. They’ve brought me up with a traditional outlook, but within, I’m a bit more daring and modern. Modern enough to propose marriage to a man three years younger than me. It wasn’t just his looks that attracted me; it was also his ideals, which are very similar to mine. Our lengthy discussions on topics as varied as feminism or communism were engrossing and I learned a lot from him. He took an interest in everything I did, and guided me just like my parents did.
This clinched it for me, as I wanted my life partner to be someone I could turn to for such parental affection when I missed my mum and dad. In particular, I wanted this man’s care and support for the rest of my life. But the reality is that once married to different people, friendship between a man and a woman gets strained and eventually ends. The only way I could permanently have him was to marry him; I realised I had fallen in love with him. One day, without hesitation, I asked him, “Will you marry me?”
Since that day, he began distancing himself from me. He tried convincing me that I was one of his closest friends and that he has great respect for me, but marriage between us would not work as he is bound by many compulsions. Without giving me a chance to meet his parents, he assumed that they would reject our match and said that he did not want to marry against his family’s wishes.
I was deeply hurt, but pretended that I was not affected. I knew he was feeling bad about rejecting me, and so I played along. I said that it might be difficult to make my parents agree either, as we are both from different castes, communities and states, although I knew they would agree to whatever made me happy. “Marriage is not on our cards, and I will never disturb the harmony of your family,” said my lips, but those words were not from my heart.
I accept his reasons for not marrying me, but I can’t stop loving him. Even as my parents bring up several marriage proposals, I still believe my man and I can work through any differences, if only he is willing. Because the greatest happiness for anyone is spending their life with someone they love.
