Do you miss the drive for the driver? Do you watch his every move? ‘Slow down!’ ‘Speed breaker ahead!’ ‘Pothole! Pothole!’ ‘Focus on the road!’ Do you speak only such language while travelling in a car?
If you do, you are probably suffering from Backseat Irritable Driving Syndrome (BIDS). BIDS is similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome; it’s a diagnosis of exclusion. A battery of tests has to be run and various conditions ruled out, before arriving at a definitive, fool-proof diagnosis of BIDS.
Here are the tests. Does your driver visit Sankara Nethralaya often to correct partial vision impairment? Has he started a collection of overspeeding tickets with great enthusiasm? Have you stumbled upon shattering evidence that your driver talks often to your ex? Does he have delusions — putting it slightly differently, does he enjoy driving around in Chennai?
If the answer is ‘yes’ to most of these questions, then you are BIDS-free. You have strong reasons to watch your driver.
If it’s ‘no’, then sorry, you have BIDS. Don’t worry though. BIDS may not have any known cure, but it can be managed. Just like irritable bowel syndrome, it can be dealt with when it comes.
Here are some coping strategies. When you find yourself slipping into BIDS, take your mind off the road, the drive and the driver. Think of other problems. Bigger ones. Think of your teenage daughter. Don’t you remember she was wearing a black tee on November 19, International Men’s Day, with the theme emblazoned in passionate red — ‘Celebrate Men’?
Think of your boss, who is now being unusually nice to you. He’s paying you a compliment every day. Good for you. But don’t you think it sounds like a farewell speech in instalments? Do you think it could be leading up to a golden handshake?
Or, try this one. Carry a notepad. Keep silent through the drive. Only jot down the mistakes committed by your driver. Tabulate the incriminating data, with neat sections for place, date and offence. Example: ‘November 26, 2014. Adyar Signal. He ignored the red light and drove on, along with an MTC bus.’ At the end of the month, deduct an amount for every offence from his salary. This way, BIDS can be profitable. However, this treatment for BIDS has a costly side effect — heavy attrition rate. You are likely to be forever looking for a new driver. If you are looking for the best treatment without a milligram of side-effects, it’s this: giving up the imaginary wheel and getting behind the real one.
