The power of silence

A chance meeting with three unknown women led to this article on the eve of International Women’s Day as an ode to those who fight their battles alone and win

March 06, 2015 05:41 pm | Updated 08:51 pm IST - MADURAI:

Women continuously fight their battle for equality, education, safety, freedom, rights and empowerment. Photo: V. Sreenivasa Murthy

Women continuously fight their battle for equality, education, safety, freedom, rights and empowerment. Photo: V. Sreenivasa Murthy

Friday morning on my way to office three women caught my attention outside a beauty parlour. The oldest of the three, was pushing the other two – the younger one was giggling and the middle aged lady was biting her nails. It appeared something similar to when you see first timers trying to get on to an escalator inside malls.

The reporter in me got curious.

The trio turned out to be friendly. Sankari (59), Indhuja (44) and Malathi (27) did not look like relatives. They had come to get their eyebrows done for the first time. I offered to help by introducing them to the girl who does it.

The strange group of friends and their stranger wish made me stick to them. They were dressed typically -- in shimmering paper silk saris, jasmine string in their plaits and bun, the kumkum and vibhuti on their forehead, heavy silver anklets and toe rings, shining golden chains, bangles, rings, studs and nose pins.

It turned out all three met at a local nutrition centre eight months ago and after trying out a health drink, each of them shed flab. Buoyed by their new slim look, they now mustered courage to go for a face lift for the first time.

Their day’s adventure is not the story. The real story is about their challenging life stories. Indhuja from Sholavandan was devastated when she found out her husband was frequenting another woman’s house even after fathering two kids with her. “It was his chinna veedu ,” she says non-chalantly. “All this happened 15 years ago. I walked out with my children. Nobody in his or my family ever supported or helped me,” says Indhuja who did odd jobs from that of a domestic help to a vegetable vendor, a play school ayah to a server in a restaurant. “Never for a day my children went hungry,” she says. Today, as she sat in the parlour, she said her heart was with her daughter who had gone to write the plus Two exam. “My son works in a pharmacy and my daughter dreams of becoming a doctor.”

Sankari needed guts to slap her husband and walk out after bearing with his sexual abuse for 20 years. “My fault was I could not bear him a son and he started seeing another woman,” says the mother of three well-settled daughters and also a grandmother now.

“Every night he would return late and then beat me and force himself on me,” she says. One day she refused to take it anymore. Taking such a bold decision at the age of 40 was not easy. But she did it. “I had my family’s support,” she says.

For 27 years old Malathi, life is hell at home. Her husband of five years does not go to work. He is a drug abuser and an alcoholic and often demands the money she earns by teaching at a nearby playschool in Thirumangalam. Why is she still with him? I ask. “I was always fat and my parents spent so much money on my wedding, how can I let them down,” she says. She also cites the birth of her son as a reason and also that nobody in her family knows how her husband treats or behaves with her.

“We were always trained not to let bad things out about the family. It is only after I made some new friends and lost 22 kilos that I am able to talk like this now,” she says.

These three devastated but defiant women are determined to make their lives and their world a better place. Though they admit initially they were scared but surprisingly none of them gave up their woman power by thinking that they did not have any. They cried but also fought their battles of existence in isolation. They suffered humiliation but also showed what courage looks like. I asked if they knew about International Women’s Day. It drew a blank. Not surprising because women who lead such celebrations are usually educated and influential. But are these three ordinary women without access to quality education and support any less role models? In their own way, they took on the formidable tasks that their lives threw at them.

They too are ‘Nirbhayas’ in a different way. And there are countless of them. As Indhuja says, I have achieved what I wanted for my children. And Sankari adds, “I wonder whether my husband could ever compete with me had he been in the same situation.”

(Note: Names of the three women have been changed on their request. Though they shared their stories, they were not comfortable with the idea of getting their names and photos published in the paper. There are many more wars to win for physically and emotionally scarred-women).

Women’s Day events in Madurai:

The city got into action for the International Women’s Day (March 8) that celebrates the woman and her achievements, takes cognisance of their collective power to create change in their homes and communities.

To name a few, The American College conducted a three day international conference on women empowerment and social sciences from March 5 to 7. The Soroptimist International (Madurai) took forward its project vision on stop violence against women by felicitating youths who artistically expressed themselves on the theme at a function on March 6. Tomorrow (Sunday), M.S.Chellamuthu Trust and Research Foundation and Women Entrepreneurs will be conducting their annual meetings to mark the day.

Indhuja, Malathi and Sankari are not aware of these functions. But they are very much a part of the continuing struggle of women for equality, education, safety, freedom, rights and empowerment. And yet, that one small change each of them has initiated in their respective lives is equal to too many. Without knowing they are perhaps living up to this year’s IWD theme – make it happen!

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